There was a shift

Somewhere in my 40s, my photography changed. I still wanted to shoot the female form, but now I wanted to tell stories with it. Not just make pretty pictures—I wanted to understand the why behind what I was creating.

The obvious reason is right there. Who doesn't want to photograph aesthetically pleasing people? But was that really it? Was there something deeper driving the work, or was it just vanity—Look what I shot?

Was I being that creepy uncle who just wanted to see naked women? I've been asked that question before: Do you get excited when you shoot someone nude? The answer is no. I'm working. My mind is elsewhere—it's in create mode.

I'm thinking about shadow and light. My vision in that moment isn't seeing a body—I'm seeing varying shades of grey. I'm thinking about how to take that and create a story. That's where my mind is.

I'm thinking about the old masters. Cecil Beaton, Helmut Newton, Peter Lindbergh, Herb Ritts.

I wanted to create. Remember the MGM motto? Ars Gratia Artis—Art for art's sake. Create for no one but myself. If I deemed it decent enough, maybe I'd publish it somewhere. Maybe not.

I no longer wanted to create for an audience. I wanted to go back to my roots, before social media. Back when I shot because I wanted to shoot. I shot because I wanted to learn. I shot because I was curious.

Once I was focused on storytelling instead of just capturing beauty, I needed something different. I needed models who brought character, not just appearance. People with experience. People I could trust to understand what I was trying to say.

I was going to miss working with new models, helping them grow into who they'd become. But new models needed teaching, direction, reassurance. They came with expectations—portfolio needs, social media goals. That takes energy and time away from creation.

So I started seeking out paid models. Professionals. I shared my ideas, they shared theirs, we collaborated. I paid them for their time. They signed release forms. I was free to create what I wanted.

Strange how it took me 40+ years to realize what I was searching for was always there. I've circled right back to the beginning—shooting because I'm curious, not because someone's waiting to see it.

But here's the thing — I will always love helping women gain or regain their confidence through my photography. Helping them see that there was more to them than they realized. The photos we created were just a small part of that. I loved seeing their faces light up when they saw themselves in this way for the first time. I won't ever trade that. It's where I honed my craft, and I'll never be ashamed of it. The shift wasn't about leaving that behind. It was about finally being able to articulate what I was already doing.

I shoot now for me and no one else. Maybe someone will see it.

Or not.